What Do You Want?

What do you want?

I fucking hated that question when my feet were first held to its flames. I was so blocked in my vision, feeling hopeless and angry.

Not having an answer to that question brought up a sense of shame in me. Equally, the thought of answering it conjured up feelings of fear. I was convinced of my unworthiness. Because that’s the thing with belief systems- we fucking believe them! I was willing to argue and defend my place as an unworthy man.

The time came though, where things HAD to change and that question needed a draft at least.

Naturally waves of resistance mobilised forcefully when I starting writing ideas down.

My perfect day: What does it look like? Who is included in it? Where do I live and what kind of work am I doing? How do I express and experience the things I value most? How much money do I need to live this way? Who do I serve?

Conditioned ‘realistic’ thinking patterns plagued me. (It still happens when I go into this exercise. The hot tip is to dream ‘idealistically’ and set your goals that take you there ‘realistically’. Don’t dream small).

I had to squirm through the discomfort that surfaced. And squirm I did until I felt lighter and freer. Sitting in that fire instead of denying it proved to be effective in finding my answers. Understand that it took time and it took dedication to my process.

Now here we are. Many years later. It’s mind blowing to say the least. I could dig through my note books to find the one where this near exact scene was written down, cuddling my son at home watching the sunset. At the time it was impossible. But it was a target - something to aim my arrow at.

So what do you want? What does your dream day look like?

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